December 22, 2011

The past two weeks I have not been able to blog.  The holidays are difficult.  They will be so much better when you come home.  Today we received an email from the agency and we are still in the same place in line that we were 2 and a half months ago. 

Where I left off in my last blog, is when the most challenging times of my life were starting to occur.  The first trip to the Czech Republic was full of hope.  I had two embryos implanted.  Meanwhile, coming back was difficult.  Economic times were quite tough.  We had just lost our accounts payable person and were working with a temp.  I came back and had to be at work the next day.  In my rush to get to work in a hurry out of fear of being accused of being a minute or two late, I got into an accident.  The traffic was bumper to bumper and I was jet lagged, the sun was shining in my eyes and for a split second I didn't see the car in front of me stop.  It was just a small bump in the back but it affected both the car in front of me and the car behind me.  After we sorted this out, I went to work stressed, but somehow managed to get there on time (fear does amazing things to people).  I had informed everyone that I would not lift anything upon my return.  I don't know if it was the stress from being cramped in a plane the day before for many hours, the ride home in a van over the bumpy road, the car accident and the fear of being reprimanded for petty things at work or the guy that didn't want to bend over and pick up a binder for me and caused me to strain myself.  All I know is that it probably just wasn't meant to be.  I went to the bathroom and noticed one little red dot and then some bleeding it was around 1 pm.  I told my manager with a red face and she reluctantly said "well, if you feel like you can't stay, ...." she guilted me and I stayed.  And yet, I still had hope, hope that I only lost one embryo and worked the rest of the day with my feet on the garbage can as if this was going to stop what was happening.  I didn't feel like I had any other option.  Suffice it to say, that trip was unproductive and we had to wait another seven months before we could go back.  There was money to be saved and vacation time to be earned.  I allowed a lot of days to accumulate until then.  More of this story tomorrow.