I have not blogged for a while. We went to Chicago to spend the holidays. As of this writing your cousins John (age 5), Louis (Age 3) and Peter (Age 1) are quite young. I spent an entire week with them. They are good kids and quite lively and curious. All three of them are very smart and handsome. I wonder how old they will be when they meet you. They will all have a lot to teach you by then.
To continue the story where I left off...
We went to the Czech Republic once again in December of 2008. The weather was cold and quite similar to that of New Hampshire. At the same time it was mild enough to be outside if you dressed warm enough. We decided to rent a hotel room with a small kitchen next to a mall, quite far fromt he doctor's office. We paid for transportation only to the agency and did most other things on our own. It was quite challenging since not many people spoke English where we were. The mall was a savior. We had nothing else to do all day long but either watch CNN or go to the mall and sit there. We were on a tight budget so there was not much extra left over to spend around.
We waited patiently for the donated eggs and after a few days we had two viable embryos. I asked for both. The doctor was hesitant due to my weight, but I wanted success and was prepared to take all necessary risks as they were explained to me. We gave ourselves plenty of days to stay there this time so that I can thoroughly rest prior to traveling back home. The days were dark and boring. We went to Prague during our wait. That was the highlight of our trip. There is a part of the city that takes you back to Medieval times with all of the old architecture. It is a the square of this section of the city where they had all of the Christmas celebrations. There were a lot of outdoor merchants selling warm drinks, warm snacks (e.g. hot wine and roasted nuts). There were a lot of handmade crafts and goodies to look at. As well as many Christmas traditions to learn, such as going up a few steps and ringing a bell for good luck. We lunched at a cozy restaurant with a big fireplace. The food was good. I think I had goolash.
Prague is a modern city but with beautiful architecture. All of the structures had ceramic red roofs. It is a beautiful sight next to a very large river.
Meanwhile, when we returned the following day I was due in for my procedure. I knew things were not going to be great when I saw another doctor in the place of my doctor. I questioned this (based on old experiences this is never a good sign) and they comforted my concerns. It was too late there was nothing we could do. He had gone on vacation and there was no bringing him in.
I got ready and went into the room. Your father came with me. After a half hour of struggles ... we could not get the embryos to their proper place safely in my uterus. They tried everything. No luck.
He asked me to come back the following day (on a Sunday) to try again under general anesthesia. I was so desperate I allowed people I didn't know anything about to put me under inside a doctor's office without any knowledge of where the nearest hospital might be in case anything went wrong. I took the risk. There was nothing else I can do..I worked too long too hard .. kissed too many rear ends... made so many sacrifices... begged so many people for help. No one really helped us. Give us your money and walk away.
Anyways, I went in, this jolly fellow said to me "Now you will sleep..." I woke up looked around and no one was talking... I started panicing .. I asked hopefully "are we done? are they in?" no one answered. They asked me to go to the recovery room. Your father was told not to tell me anything. I rested. A few mintues later the doctor came in and broke the news. He tried everything. I have stenosis (tightening).. he tried his best for a half hour again. They will freeze the embryos for next time. We have to go home empty handed. Your father was very sad. He tried not to show it. I felt so bad for disappointing him. I turned over and crawled deep under the covers. I could not believe this was happening to me. Every day people get pregnant. They don't even try hard enough. Why couldn't I accomplish this one thing? It is only natural. I felt so incapable and worthless. The nurses came and tried to coach me out of bed. I wasn't budging. I couldn't even cry. I was immobilized by the shock of it all. I realized these people were only trying to help and they deserved to go home after coming in unscheduled on a Sunday. I tried really really hard to get out of bed.... more tomorrow.
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